Does wife needing time and space always mean cheating?

My wife and I recently separated after 9 years. We have been separated for 2 months. She said she needed time and space after some major disagreements over our developmentally disabled daughter. It started with her saying it could go either way, but after two weeks she was saying never to counseling and was ready to file for legal separation. Admittedly, I did all the things you aren't supposed to do during the first month: beg and plead, send flowers and gifts, etc. She still hasn't filed for legal separation after two months. Everyone asks me if there is someone else. She has always been a high character person, but I do wonder now. Does needing time and space always mean there is someone else? I'd like to hear from women who were in a similar situation as my wife.

Does wife needing time and space always mean cheating?
i think she will love-it if you do gave her that space and time for her that is what she want that all
Reply:not necessarily sometimes she really just needs time alone to think and other time she probably is cheating only because she is confused and only you have the power to fix that good luck
Reply:no it means she needs the time to think things through. don't bug her. it doesn't mean she has another person. you say this is over major disagreements over your daughter, take a look at the disagreements that led to this. look at them as if you where not the one particpating and you may get your answer.





I am in the process of doing the same. I don't have a lover. I just need time to think about what I want and I think he does too. This too is over major disagreements. If he bugs me during the break more then to tell me what he's decided I will be back on the market.
Reply:Not always but most of the time. It is questionable given your specific circumstances, but I wouldn't rule it out.





Just file for divorce.
Reply:Well...you probably won't like what I'm going to say...so brace yourself.





No, I don't think that needing time and space = someone else in her life. But something in your writing makes me suspect that you might be man who is what might be described as..."needy".





I suspect (I don't have a child with a developmental disablity, but I do have one with psychiatric issues) that your wife feels that in whatever way you aren't her partner in this. Meaning she feels that she can't count on you to handle half of the load. What the major disagreements are are usually that one of you is a "realist" and one is more "compassionate" if those are the right words...and the realist usually gets ticked at the person who wants to take the more gentle or understanding approach. This isn't uncommon in marriages with "normal" kids (so to speak either)...for two parents to have different "parenting styles"...that causes a lot of conflict.





And...marriages with special needs kids...usually has no time for the marriage. There is no WE time...even if someone gives you guys a break...chances are you talk about your daughter...or worry about her care when you're not with her.





So...what ends up happening is that a spouse becomes another burden...another responsibility...someone else who's needs you have to worry about. I know this sounds incredibly selfish...but when a child consumes a lot of your time...for whatever reason...marriages are usually what suffers....because both of you are adults and it makes sense that the child should come first...that that is the right thing to do.





Many marriages don't survive long term problems with children. Because people just get tired....and they start accusing each other of not doing their part...or they just don't have time to be lovers or anything else but alternating caretakers (in one form or another).





My suggestion is to give her the time and space...because she probably needs to breathe. If she's enjoying the breathing space...then she's been overwhelmed...because she's free of the arguing between the two of you (so it's more peaceful) and she's free of meeting your needs (so she doesn't feel guilty or angry).





This is a really touchy issue because I am sure that both of you have gone without in many ways to care for your daughter whom you both love...and it can be an accusation session if you aren't careful. If you are really serious about wanting your wife back then you need to ask yourself or her....what you can do to support her rather than add more pressure.





Whatever your major disagreements are, if they are major that indicates to me that you both are pretty adamant in your stances and you are opposite in your beliefs of what is right for your daughter.





Flowers, begging and pleading aren't going to change her stance on your daughter and chances are if she's not agreeing to counseling...she suspects that you are so adamant in your beliefs that counseling isn't going to change your stance either even if you go.





So it's a no win circle you two are trapped in. And that translates into a growing feeling of hopelessness. A partner feels that no matter HOW they try to express their views it's never heard or acknowledged. I don't exactly know what you mean by a high character person, but I would venture that if that is so....that she doesn't take her marriage vows or being a Mom lightly. This is one of those for better or worse times. Only you can determine if you both can become ONE....which isn't about standing firm and being RIGHT it's about finding a way to blend the two of you in a way that works best for your daughter. Neither of you are always wrong...but neither are you always right.





It could very well be that the two of you are just two stubborn people. My husband and I are both only children. If you know anything about birth order...trust me...we're both pretty bossy and adamant. But...somewhere in our marriage...even disagreeing on many things with our kids...we managed to make a decision to stay and work it out. We both back down on certain issues...and we both have made our compromises. And the children have survived. I've learned that he was right in some things...and he's learned that I was right in some things. And respect grows from there...if you let it.





I hope that you will find your way. I am sure that this is a tough time for all of you...including your daughter.





Peace,


Nancy
Reply:My husband and I are separated now and it was the best thing that ever happened. We are not dating other people I just need time to think everything over.
Reply:No it doesn't, I left my guy while am pregnant with his baby because of stuff happening in our relationship as well.


I went to him after a month of almost no contact to speak with him %26amp; we got back together.


I needed time to sort my head.





Please check my question as I need sorting out again:


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Reply:if you don't trust her it's time to go or hire a PI. Also never suck up to a woman you'll aways come up short
Reply:No, but if that is what is up she should be woman enough to say she wants to walk on new grass for a while.....
Reply:No it does not maybe she just needs time to clear her head and think. Pray to God to save your marriage :)
Reply:Sometimes or maybe she just needs space, like she said.
Reply:It is not always someone else maybe she is just not interested in you anymore. If there was someone else then she would have filed already. Get over it and move forward you are wasting time maybe your soul mate is waiting for you and you are pining over someone who already is gone. Good Luck
Reply:I personally often need time alone. I like to take myself away from the situation, and have time to clear my head and think. Sometimes you cant see the forest for the trees, and just need to "gather yourself" so to speak. During those times, I have never once cheated or had the desire, and I come back refreshed and a more positive person.....thats just me though.





I think alot of women are like this. Not to mention your daughter, that could easily cause major stress
Reply:It seems to me that you may be missing the boat, the disagreements over your developmentally disabled daughter....you guys do need counseling, even if only for the sake of your daughter....



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