Why do you think?

Why Etiquette and Tradition Still Matter when planning?


i just want people onpions on things such as.


-save the date cards


-things to aviod at the wedding and during the planning


-wedding favors


-picking attendents


-in-laws from hell


-gifts


-flower girl r ring bearers


-father walking bride down the isle


-invitations


-also why if brides are not supoosed to asume they are getting gifts do guest expect us to do registrys.


-unity candels and sand





also i am just curious as to what family traditions you are bringing into your weddiing..

Why do you think?
-save the date cards-----Waste of money!


-things to aviod at the wedding and during the planning-----Making a Huge deal out of it and spending a ton of money


-wedding favors-----Do your guest really want cookie cutter? Just give them Candy, who doesnt LOVE candy!


-picking attendents----Should be those who will support your marriage


-in-laws from hell----Glad i'm not getting them :)


-gifts-----Ok but who wants 4 toasters? MONEY PLEASE :)


-flower girl r ring bearers-----cute if you can deal with them


-father walking bride down the isle------a body to lean on


-invitations-----shouldn't spend alot on, 99% of the people will throw them away in 6months


-also why if brides are not supoosed to asume they are getting gifts do guest expect us to do registrys------You get gifts


-unity candels and sand-----A nice way to put fire together...lol
Reply:Where I'm from, no one uses save the dates, the only place I ever heard of them was here on Answers.





Wedding favors - not necessary, but a nice touch. Something consumable is good.


Attendants are for both the bride and groom. So you have his sister as a bridesmaid; he can have a good male friend of yours as groomsman. Choose people who support you and you love from the heart, not for what they can do for you.


There are no inlaws from hell, just lovely people who raised the man I love.


Gifts - didn't honestly even think of them til they started coming, had no registries. We chose to host a lovely wedding to have family and friends celebrate with us. We got wonderful gifts - from Tupperware to sheets and towels, to a full set of china.


We didn't have a flower girl or ring bearer. However, if you have them, have them be from ages four to 10.


My father died two years before we got married. I had asked my mom to walk me up the aisle, but she didn't want to. I didn't want to walk alone. So my husband and I walked together, and it was the BEST thing to do ever. Years later, found out it was an old tradition in our religion/culture because the couple getting married should be mature individuals who give of themselves, coming together to marry.


Invitations - totally personal taste.


Didn't do unity candle nor sand ceremony. Not needed, not a religious element.


We had a big Ukrainian wedding, following traditions of our culture and religion. One important one is going to the parents' home prior to the ceremony to get the blessing of the parents and siblings, then everyone goes together to the church.


Here are some other elements of the ceremony. Ours was in the Ukrainian language.


http://www.archeparchy.ca/liturgy/crowni...


The crowning is very special.


I think etiquette and tradition matter because the bride and groom are hosting the wedding - for the guests to witness the vows, then to celebrate with them at the reception. Having things done a certain way, with guests in mind, makes everyone feel more comfortable.
Reply:I think that in these times the women are the ones who want the tradition and etiquette. They are looking for the dream wedding and for it to go well and without a hitch so they can remember a day of happiness from the very beginning of their mariage, hoping that it will last forever. Also the keeping of things for long-lasting memories to be rekindled and for the respect from the wedding party as well as the people who attended it like the saving of things so that a Thank You card can be sent with the exact description of what the gift was so that they can place the gift with the face of the person who gave it is more sentimental and more personal that way.


Gina
Reply:Save the date cards- i think they should only be used if you have many people coming from out of town that will need the extra time to plan a trip to your wedding, if you arent having alot of out of towners, there is no need, save the money and put it towards somthing else.





During the wedding-IF you are have a cd of music playing REMEMBER to try it out on the system during rehersal, we had a burnt CD and it didnt work so we had to make another one. Do the same for the reception if your having a dj, make sure his version of the song you picked is the RIGHT one.





Invitations- dont spend a ton of money on them, people just throw them away





Attendants-dont have an outragous amount like 10 BM and 10 GM with 5 FG and 2 RB it will just drag out the ceromony and make you have to spend more money on gift, after all the guests are there to see YOU get married, not your friends all dressed up.





Registry-Register at two or more popular stores with a wide variety of price ranges that way people with less of an income will be able to buy you something. And dont think that it is looked down upon to register, even famous people register and lord knows they dont need help with purchasing items for their home.





Unity Candle/Sand-Unless your getting married out side or the beach has some sort of sugnificance to you and your fiancee, stick to the candle.





I know you will get tons of advice from both sides of the family, just try to take it in stride and listen just to make them happy, you dont have to follow any of their advice. Remember that this is you and your husbands day. And if should be what you want after all you will be the one that will remember every detail you will have all the memories.


Congrats!
Reply:Hi. I'm not quite sure I understand you question, but I will go down your list and give you my thoughts.





First of all.....etiquette never goes out of style. Anyone that says "get with the times" is not using common sense as far as I'm concerned. I'm not talking stuffy Queen Mum etiquette, I just mean simple common courtesy etiquette.





~ save the date cards: A a newer tradition and kind of nice. Letting people know your engaged and giving a little "heads up" on the wedding date. These are fine, IMO and I like them!





~ things to aviod at the wedding and during the planning:


Avoid (and terrible etiquette too) is anything "money grubbing" like the dollar dance or "wishing well."





~ wedding favors: a total waste unless it's something edible like chocolates or mints. NOT "traditional"....something that the bridal industry has thought up to get brides to spend more money.





~ picking attendants: don't feel that you need to pick every friend that you have ever had. I absolutely hate huge bridal parties. I think it's best to have 5 or less. And, as far as "tradition"....it doesn't HAVE to be a friend. Don't forget family!





~ in-laws from hell: Nothing you can do about that! My suggestion....move far away from them!!!





~ gifts: It is fine to register for gifts and you can register at however many stores you want! Just don't duplicate the same things on each registry....otherwise you will get doubles or triples. DO NOT make any mention of where you are registered (or include little cards) on (or in) the wedding invitation. This is a big etiquette no-no. You can, however, include registry information in the bridal shower invitation.





~ flower girl and ring bearers: OK, but don't have real little ones. Best to have them between the ages of 5-7.





~ father walking bride down the aisle: very traditional. But not needed either. Most guests understand if you come from a family where the father was absent. Some girls have their brother or another male relative. Some have their moms! It's really anything goes now a days on this issue. Some brides prefer to walk down the aisle alone. There is nothing wrong with that either!





~ invitations: The only etiquette again is to not mention anything about your registry on the wedding invitation. And by NO MEANS include a cute little poem saying that you have everything so what you really want is money (even if that is the truth!) Mail invitations 8 weeks before the wedding. Do not invite anyone to the wedding that you do not want to also invite to the reception.





~ also why if brides are not supoosed to asume they are getting gifts do guest expect us to do registries: It's fine to have a registry. I think what most people mean is to not expect that everyone will bring a gift. I have never gone to a wedding, though, and NOT brought a gift. To be honest, I think it would be extremely rude to not bring a gift or a card with money.





~ unity candle and sand ceremony: Another waste as far as I'm concerned. Again, these are ideas invented by the bridal industry to get you to spend more money.





That's it! My thoughts on etiquette and traditions. Good luck!
Reply:1. Save the dates I don't find are terribly necessary unless you have a lot of out of town guests. They just seem like a waste of money.





2. I think that it still plays a big role in planning and actual events at the wedding. I still think about all the faux pas during the event, not greeting everyone. Not dancing all my families tradtional dances...





3. Wedding favors. I hate some of the current trends like candy bars. And I hate how everyone is saying only edible favors, I like to have a nice memento of a wedding. I don't think of it as crap but rather nice memories.





4. When picking attendants I always think you should stick to family. You don't want to look back on your wedding photos and notice that you don't know/speak to any of those friends anymore. Family is always family. And I don't approve of calling or emailing for it, face to face is appropriate.





5. I know that in-laws aren't always nice. But still I think having respect never goes out of style. Not just for in-laws for everyone. Even if someone does not show you respect I try to show them respect, even if I do fail sometimes.





6. I really am not expecting many gifts. I think sometimes people forget that gifts are quite optional instead they expect it.





7. Flower girls and ring bearers I think are great if you have close relatives in the age. But really I think its terrible when people invite kids to their wedding they don't know well just so they can have one.





8. Well registry's are only expected by those who want to give gifts. The ones that don't wouldn't be thinking about it.





9. I don't like candles or sand or roses. I understand its ceremonial, or symbolic. But to me its just a way to elongate a ceremony. I can't stand sitting there watching people pour sand together.





10. Father walking down the aisle. I hate the stupid feminist that go on about being treated like property... blah blah. Its a nice tradition if you have a male figure to walk you down.





11. Invitations. I disagree about make them simple and cheap because people will just throw them out. When I receive a well written beautiful invitation it sets a much better tone for someones wedding then something they throw together sloppyly, if I see the cheap invite honestly sometimes I don't want to go at all. Don't get me wrong I have seen some very nice DIY invites, and some very sloppy company made ones.











We are actually having two different weddings. My fiances family is hindu and their ceremony is very diffrent, as are their customs. So the week before we are having a smaller Hindu wedding with all the trimmings. And then a big 200+ wedding the following saturday with more american elements.
Reply:I am not a huge fan of etiquette. Like there are some things that you just dont do, because it would be rude or offensive. But some etiquette is just rediculous. There are etiquette police out there making rules and you just wonder where some of it comes from.


I dont think tradition should matter in this day and age. Why wear a white gown if you dont want to? On the other hand, why not wear a white gown if you are pregnant. You are still a bride, go for it.


As far as registries go, I see why people do them but to me they have always seemed rude. I cant understand why so many people think having a honeymoon registry is soooo wrong, and yet having a registry where they dictate to people what they want and how much to spend and what colour, brand etc....how is that not rude? What happened to being grateful for any kind of gift?


Unity candles? I always thought that was a catholic thing. Why are other people doing it these days.


Invites shouldnt be as strict and people stress far too much over them....now with so many parents divorced, it is impossible to make it look and sound perfect , so just put the neccessary details on them and dont stress.


People stress over so called etiquette which is just rules "someone" made up.


As long as the wedding is nice and original and makes the couple happy and gives them so many wonderful memories, who cares about the etiquette police. Do what makes you happy.



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