My boyfriend of a year cheated on me, but wants me back. Should I stay or go?

We have dated over a year, and I recently found out that he slept with his ex-girlfriend 3 times over a 3 week period. He ended everything with her, and that upset her, so she called me and told me everything. He has been very remorseful and contrite, and sent flowers, cards, gifts - he's been wonderful. He even suggested counselling and we've started going weekly - he's paying and making the effort. This is the only time he has slept with her, but 2 other times they have met in the year we've been dating without me knowing about it until she called and filled me in. Will counselling help - or should I get out of it now. I do love him, but I don't want to go through a lifetime of this. We're in our late 30's - so not young. Can people change? Can cheaters stop cheating? He's had no contact whatsoever with her since she and I talked. I know this because she and I have talked several times since he and I broke up. Help, I'm so confused.

My boyfriend of a year cheated on me, but wants me back. Should I stay or go?
Cheaters are very good con artist, how do you think he played you for a fool the first time? Once they do it you can never truly trust them again. Im sure some cheaters change and some just plain change tactics. The ones who really do change probably never tell their partners about it and realized how much they loved their partners after the fact. If you think you can give him the same level of trust you had for him before this incident then give him a shot but if you cant you will only be dragging on a painful situation. In my mind once this sort of thing happens the relationship is no longer 50/50....and it will most likely always be unbalanced...him trying to make it up to you, and you never really forgiving him...etc. Think to yourself that cheating is a multistep process and that he had many chances to stop. First he thought about it, then he spoke about it,then he either went with it or initiated it, then he went to her place or he let her in, then he slept with her. Repeat this process 3x (for the 3 weeks) and then tell me if you think someone like this could really ever truly earn you back.
Reply:Sis ! you urself r roping a string around your neck , dont you know that ? Dont keep being with this man . Nothing can be sure out of his mouth , he is just not a man enough for you . It is not too late to move on .
Reply:Cheaters can stop cheating but most of the time, they just get better at hiding it.
Reply:He will do it agian, i have been with my guy for 3years we broke up in january 07 and we both got with other ppl well in june we started talking on the phone then on july 4th we slept together while he was still with his girlfriend, he did not know how to break things off with her. we are very much in love but if i had siad no i dont want to be with you he would have tried to work things out with the other girl.. they must still have some kinda feelings for each other or he would have never done that to you. and if you get back with him how do you know he wont do it agian i know my guy would have with the girl he was seeing. guys are dogs ! you have to have that something special to keep others out, he would never cheat on me because he knows i would turn around and walk away reguardless of my feelings, not haveing trust causes fights that are not called for.
Reply:Once a cheater always a cheater. move on because you will always remember.that he cheated. he cannot be trusted.


be happy about moving on. why would you evenwant to be involved with a cheater. he probably cheats at everything.
Reply:I say stick it out. He is making the effort, I think the counseling is a step in the right direction. Don't forget though, look for signs in the future.
Reply:Once a cheater, always a cheater, go and don't look back, cut all connections off so that he doesn't even have a way of tracking your life and what you do to be happy without him.
Reply:go sister!!!





a cheater never changes!!!!!
Reply:Go, run for the hills! I had the same problem. I let him back in to my life 3 times. Each time people were telling me how much of an idiot I was and I thought I really liked him, so I blew them off. Either one of two things is going to happen, he's going to cheat on you again-trust me, even one of my friends is a cheater; or he's going to get even more incorrigible and abusive, which happened to me. Cheaters never change, and karma is never on their side in the end.





And as for him, he's going to believe that you don't trust him, that you're always living in fear. He might even walk out of the relationship before you do.
Reply:Usually cheaters tend to cheat again, but from the looks of it, he seems to be really trying to make it up to you. I'd give it a shot, but for sure if anything happens again, dump him
Reply:well you said you love him and i know you can for give him and take him back but the thing you have to learn to deal with is can you forget what he done and never say anything about it again cause that is what it will take to have a happy relationship with him again...you will have to learn to trust him again can you do that...can you not be specious or jealous every time he is gone some place with out you....these are things that you will have to work on....and you can not throw this in his face every time you get mad or it will never work....all good relationships takes work from both partners and it takes work every day not just every now and then....so if you can do all this yes it will work out just fine...good luck
Reply:goooooooooooooooooooo.
Reply:He is just embarresed he got caught. Don't believe him and don't waist your time on someone you can no longer trust.



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